I love what I do. I loved being a counsellor, and I love the work I do now. I enjoy producing the podcast, I enjoy writing and I enjoy working with counsellors. Most of the time, I feel incredibly lucky that this is my job.
That doesn't mean I wake up every morning full of enthusiasm. There are days when I simply can't be bothered. Occasionally, I want to close the whole thing down and go and stack shelves in Tesco, which, in my head, involves very little responsibility and a pleasing amount of organising tins into straight lines. I'm aware that may not be an entirely accurate picture of supermarket employment.
The way I describe it is that I've lost my mojo. You might call it losing your motivation, feeling stuck or wondering where your enthusiasm has gone. Whatever you call it, I think most of us experience it from time to time.. Nothing is necessarily wrong, and I haven't suddenly stopped loving what I do, but the energy and enthusiasm I normally have seem to have disappeared for a while.
I have a feeling you've probably been there too. You became a counsellor because you love the work, but I'll bet there have also been days when you've thought, 'Oh God... I just need a break from all of this.'
If that's you, then keep reading.
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Why do counsellors lose motivation?
Have you lost your motivation for counselling? If you've found yourself putting things off, wondering whether you've fallen out of love with private practice or even thinking about packing it all in, you're not alone.
When you stop feeling like yourself, it's very easy to assume something must be wrong. That's usually when our brains start trying to make sense of what's happening.
You might find yourself wondering, 'Why can't I get myself moving?' or 'Have I lost my passion for counselling?' Before you know it, what started as feeling a bit flat has turned into questioning whether you can even do this anymore. That's not a nice place to find yourself.
Have you lost motivation for counselling?
If you've ever found yourself searching for why you've lost your motivation for counselling, or wondering whether you've fallen out of love with private practice, you're certainly not alone.
I've been thinking about this recently because we're heading towards the summer holidays, and that can be a funny time in private practice. Schools break up, families go away, routines change and diaries often look a little different. Some counsellors deliberately take several weeks off because they know things are likely to be quieter, but we can't all afford to do that. For others, those unexpected gaps in the diary can feel very different when they weren't part of the plan.
It's amazing how quickly a few empty spaces in the calendar can start telling us stories. One minute we know it's just the time of year; the next we're wondering whether people have stopped looking for counselling, our marketing has suddenly stopped working or we've somehow lost all the momentum we'd built up.
Logic doesn't always get much of a say once your confidence has taken a wobble. I've lost count of the number of conversations I've had with counsellors over the years where a quieter week has quickly become, 'Maybe I'm not cut out for private practice after all.
Life changes affect your motivation too
Of course, not all seasons are the ones on the calendar. Sometimes the season is created by our circumstances rather than the time of year.
Perhaps you've got young children who need more of your time than they used to, or you're supporting ageing parents. Maybe you're dealing with health problems of your own, navigating the menopause, grieving someone you've lost, moving house or trying to manage financial pressures that weren't there a year ago.
Sometimes there isn't one obvious reason at all. You've simply been carrying a lot for a long time, and eventually that has an effect.
If you're wondering whether you're simply exhausted rather than unmotivated, you might also like to read 'Compassion fatigue and burnout: What therapists need to know, with Howard Baumgarten'
As counsellors, you spend your working day giving your attention to other people. You listen carefully, think deeply, hold difficult emotions and try to be fully present for every client who walks through the door. Then, when the clients have gone home, you're also the business owner. There are enquiries to answer, notes and admin to deal with, invoices to send, a website to update and marketing to think about. There are decisions to make, problems to solve and a hundred little jobs that nobody else is going to do for you.
When you stop and look at it like that, it's hardly surprising that you sometimes feel exhausted, you need a break or fantasise about jacking it all in. And yet, I think many of us still expect ourselves to deal with all of it with exactly the same energy and motivation throughout the year, no matter what.
I know I do. I remember the version of me who had endless ideas, flew through to-do lists and felt excited about everything. Somehow I expect her to turn up every Monday morning, fully charged and ready to go, regardless of what's been happening in my life.
And when she doesn't, I get cross with myself.
But is that really a realistic expectation?
Why we're often harder on ourselves than our clients
If a client came to us because they'd lost motivation for something they usually loved, we wouldn't immediately decide they were lazy or failing. We'd be curious. We'd want to understand what had been happening in their life, what they'd been carrying and whether anything had changed.
Yet when the same thing happens to us, that curiosity can disappear remarkably quickly. Instead, we might bully ourselves, comparing ourselves with other counsellors who appear to have endless energy and fresh ideas, or with an earlier version of ourselves who somehow managed to write blogs, update the website and still have enough energy left to cook a proper dinner.
Perhaps we deserve to look at ourselves with the same curiosity we'd offer a client. It's something I've talked about with countless counsellors over the years, and it's far more common than many of us realise.
What if nothing has actually gone wrong?
What if losing your mojo isn't always a sign that something is wrong?
What if it's simply a sign that you're in a different season?
I know that's certainly been true for me. There have been times when I've genuinely needed to slow down because life had taken a lot out of me, and trying to push through would only have made things worse. At those times, stripping everything back to the essentials was exactly the right thing to do.
But I've also realised that slowing down isn't always the answer.
Sometimes I'd rested. Life had settled down again, I'd caught my breath and things were beginning to feel more manageable. And yet, I was still waiting for the spark to magically come back.
For a long time, I assumed that meant I simply needed more time. I thought motivation would show up of its own accord, preferably fully formed and carrying a detailed to-do list.
I think I was waiting to feel motivated before I did anything that might actually wake my brain up again.
I didn’t need more rest.
I needed curiosity.
Why curiosity matters more than motivation
It took me quite a while to work that out.
For years, I'd assumed motivation came first. I thought I'd wake up one morning feeling inspired and then everything else would follow. I'd finally write the blog I'd been putting off, record the podcast I'd been meaning to record and generally become the productive person I thought I ought to be.
The trouble is, motivation rarely arrives first.
What I've gradually realised is that I come alive when I'm learning.
I remember doing my Transactional Analysis training years ago and absolutely loving it. I'd come home with pages of notes, my head buzzing with ideas. I'd still be thinking about it while I was making a coffee or driving somewhere, and I'd tell anyone who'd listen about something I'd learned that day.
Interestingly, exactly the same thing happens now, even though I no longer work as a counsellor.
These days it's usually about marketing. I'll read an article, listen to a podcast or hear someone explain an idea in a way I'd never thought about before. Suddenly my brain does a big stretch and wakes up. Before I know it, the notebooks are out, I'm drawing mind maps like a thing possessed and I'm thinking, 'Ooh... I can't wait to tell everyone about this.'
It wasn't learning that was making the difference.
It was curiosity.
Curiosity seems to create its own energy. Once something captures my interest, motivation has a habit of following along behind it. Curiosity has already done the hard work.
What do you need right now?
These days, when I notice my motivation has wandered off, I don't automatically assume I know what the answer is. Instead, I stop and ask myself a different question.
'What do I need right now?'
Sometimes you need momentum, not motivation
There are days when I simply need a way to get started. Over the years, I've noticed there are a few different things that help, depending on what's actually going on.
That's when I'll book a Focusmate session, set a Pomodoro timer or join one of the co-working sessions in my membership. If I can persuade myself to focus on one thing for twenty-five minutes, I'll usually keep going. More often than not, the work wasn't nearly as difficult as my brain had convinced me it was.
Sometimes you need rest instead
Other times, though, productivity isn't the answer at all.
Sometimes I genuinely need a break.
When that's the case, trying to push myself usually makes things worse. Instead, I strip everything back to the essentials, make sure the important things are covered and then give myself permission to stop. That might mean reading a novel, meeting a friend for coffee, getting out for a walk or simply spending an afternoon doing very little. Not because I'm being lazy, but because that's what I need in that particular season.
Sometimes you need curiosity
And then there are the times when I know I've rested.
Life has settled down and I've caught my breath, but despite all of that, the spark still hasn't come back.
That's my clue that it isn't rest I'm looking for anymore.
It's curiosity.
That's when I'll deliberately feed my brain. I'll buy the non-fiction book that's been sitting in my Amazon basket for weeks, listen to a podcast that looks interesting, sign up for some training or disappear down a rabbit hole researching something that's caught my attention. Not because I'm trying to make myself feel motivated, but because I've learned that, for me, curiosity is often what creates the motivation in the first place.
I've learned that there isn't one answer. Sometimes I need structure, sometimes I need rest and sometimes I need curiosity. The challenge isn't finding the 'right' answer; it's recognising which one this particular season is asking for.
Of course, that's simply what's helped me. Your answer might look completely different, and that's okay. The important thing isn't following someone else's formula; it's paying attention to yourself for long enough to work out what you need right now.
That's why I don't think the question is, 'How do I get my mojo back?'
I think the better question is, 'What do I need right now?'
Have you really lost your mojo?
That's why I don’t think the question is, ‘How do I get my mojo back’
Perhaps the better question is, 'What do I need right now?'
Because if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that the answer isn't always the same.
Sometimes I need a bit of momentum. Sometimes I need to stop expecting so much of myself and have a proper break. And sometimes I simply need something that makes me curious again; something that wakes my brain up and reminds me why I love this work in the first place.
I think that's true for many of us.
We're very good at noticing when we don't feel like ourselves, but we're not always very good at wondering why. We jump straight to assuming something is wrong with us, when perhaps we're simply trying to live this season of our lives in exactly the same way we lived the last one.
Maybe you've not fallen out of love with counselling. Maybe you've not lost your mojo. Maybe you're just in a different season, and this version of you needs something different from the version that came before.
So, before you decide that private practice isn't for you anymore, or that you've somehow become less motivated, less passionate or less capable, come back to that same question:
'What do I need right now?'
You might be surprised by the answer.
And if you're wondering what to focus on next, my Start Here page will point you towards the resources that are most likely to help, wherever you are in your private practice journey.
And if I ever do decide to pack it all in and go and stack shelves in Tesco, I'll let you know.
But if experience has taught me anything, it's that what I usually need isn't a completely different life. I just need to recognise the season I'm in... and work out what this version of me needs.
And if today's blog has made you realise you're in one of those seasons, I hope it's reminded you of one thing above all else: losing your mojo doesn't automatically mean you've chosen the wrong career. Sometimes it simply means it's time to listen to what you need next.
If you'd like someone in your corner...
Sometimes it's hard to work out what you need when you're in the middle of it. You might need a bit more structure, someone to help you get moving again or simply another pair of eyes to help you see what's really going on. Whatever it is, you don't have to figure it out on your own.
If you're feeling stuck in your private practice and you'd like personalised support to help you move forward, take a look at my Complete Support Package.
We'll work together over three months to help you stop going round in circles, build confidence in your business and make it easier for more of the right clients to find you.
After nearly twenty years of helping counsellors build private practices, one thing I've learned is that it's much easier to keep moving when someone is alongside you, and that's exactly what the Complete Support Package is designed to do.
You can find out more about the Complete Support Package here.
